Insecure?
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.“
- Charles Darwin
I know I’m insecure, insecure about my abilities, insecure about my appearance, insecure about basically everything.
I know I’m being stupid about all of that in a way. People keep telling me I’m great at just about anything I do, I look awesome (if I make an effort) and I am a nice and loyal friend.
Why can’t I see and feel that all the time though?
I’m guessing old Charles might have been right.
Knowledge is something that makes you realize how much you don’t know.
Ignorance is bliss, it’s not knowing you don’t know what you don’t know and not knowing you don’t know what you think you know.
I wonder if it’s easier to be ignorant. It must be so nice to have no insecurities, just because you don’t know there are wiser people, better people, smarter people and more attractive people.
Even though I know I’m a really cool person, why can’t I feel it deep down?
Why is it hearsay?
Why can’t it be knowledge like the only knowledge I truly appreciate, the things I’m absolutely certain of?
Maybe I should make more of an effort.
The past week, something has changed. I was shown, by two people that I’m actually worth something in ways that say so much more than words alone.
I noticed a difference, a difference in my attitude that was so big that everyone around me reacted to it.
The change in attitude wasn’t deliberate, it happened over night, but it was a big difference. I have regained confidence in myself about things that I had forgotten existed.
I should make more of an effort.
I should try to show this in everything I do. This one change happened because of things that happened to me. I want the rest to change because of things I do.
If that works, I must surely see a difference in the way people respond to me as well.
I’m feeling even better already :-)
Reading this back, I realize that I must sound pretty down. I’m not, I’m cheerful, happy and generally content. I just want to be generally content about everything I do, not just the things that people comment upon.
I will change.
My life will be more of a comedy, the star is just going to have a slightly different role, less passive mostly… :-)
OMG!, I ran that through ispell and there were *no* spelling mistakes… Euh? Is my English improving too? ;-)